Is there a painless way to turn down a second date? Here’s how to say no calmly but unequivocally to a suitor you’re not interested in.
You met online, and after exchanging messages, you decided to meet in person. The date, however, didn’t go as hoped. No chemistry, no connection. At least not for you. So when the other person suggests meeting again, you want to say no.
Is there a kind way to turn them down and make it clear that there wasn’t any spark between you?
According to “doing the right thing.” That’s when we end up resorting to those awful habits like ghosting, orbiting, or even caspering.
However, no matter how difficult and scary it may seem, saying no clearly, calmly, and firmly is the right thing to do—for you and for the other person.
After all, think about it: how many times have you been the one hanging on by a thread, constantly checking your phone, waiting for a sign from the person you like? Wouldn’t you have preferred to know right away that it “wasn’t a thing” for the other person, rather than spending days running wild with your imagination or, worse, getting paranoid? Exactly.
Start by mentioning something positive and specific that happened during your first meeting. For example, “I like that you’re so passionate about your work,” or “that story about your trip to Peru had me in stitches” .
Be careful, though: don’t mention his physical appearance. Remember, you’re rejecting him—complimenting his gym-toned physique or how beautiful his green eyes are makes no sense in this context.
Once you’ve broken the ice with something positive and personal, you can safely move on to “unfortunately, I don’t feel like there’s a spark between us.”
End the message with “I had a great evening / afternoon / dinner, etc., but I feel like the connection between us is purely platonic.”
And there it is—the key word: platonic, meaning “purely spiritual and devoid of any sensual connotations.” “Platonic” is the adjective you want to use to politely but unequivocally end your relationship. In short, you’re nice, you’re smart, but you don’t turn me on. And there’s not much to argue about there. Ouch.
This script should ensure a 90% drama-free rejection. There’s no point in mentioning that you think his relationship with his mother has Oedipal undertones, or that you don’t consider working as a PR rep at a nightclub a real job at age 32. Why hurt him with something personal when, deep down, it’s just a matter of chemistry? When it’s there, everything else takes a back seat; when it isn’t, every little flaw becomes a deal-breaker.
And don’t even make up a story about having met someone else (even if it were true): sure, as an excuse for not taking things further, it’s definitely foolproof, but it’s certainly the least classy option. No one likes being rejected for someone else.
The bottom line: stick to the script, tell the truth, and do the right thing. For yourself and for the other person. Happy dating!
