Advice from psychologist Federica Ferrante (Spallanzani Medical Center) on keeping a relationship strong
Valentine’s Day is approaching. The most romantic evening of the year will once again see many couples “hit the town” to share dinners and special moments—opportunities to reconnect and, why not, renew their promise of more or less eternal love. Sure, but what are the useful tips and best practices to follow to keep a romantic relationship alive over time?
“There’s no magic formula for keeping a relationship strong over time,” explains Dr. Federica Ferrante, a psychologist at the Lazzaro Spallanzani Medical Center on Via Fratelli Cervi. “What you can do, however, is commit to setting and achieving some shared goals that strengthen the relationship.”
Evenings like Valentine’s Day can help in some cases. “Yes, but without overemphasizing or trivializing it,” explains Dr. Ferrante. “I always tell my patients that any occasion is a good excuse to spend time together—it doesn’t have to be Valentine’s Day. Unless, of course, that date holds special significance for the couple—such as an anniversary or a birthday.”
How are people in Reggio faring in love? “Unfortunately, the general feeling—even when discussing this with colleagues—is that there’s a widespread underestimation of the issues. The psychologist is still seen as a last resort, when in fact addressing problems early on with a specialist could prove decisive in overcoming them. Women are more likely to take charge of the situation, even though men’s role can become essential.”
What are the most common issues? “Communication and sexuality. These are the trigger points. When something isn’t working in a couple’s relationship regarding these two fundamentals, then the relationship is at risk. Failing to investigate and uncover the causes of these problems is the greatest danger. We shouldn’t just accept that everything was going well at first and then suddenly everything changed.”
Communicating and addressing problems remains a best practice to follow. “Differences in thought and opinion are absolutely normal—even desirable. But they should always be addressed with the goal of engaging in dialogue, listening to one another, and understanding each other. Putting yourself in the other person’s shoes can be helpful. So can learning to apologize and forgive, transforming conflict into an opportunity for growth and a resource for the future.”
Then there’s the age-old dilemma: is it better to always be together or to pursue individual passions? “Sharing a common project and working together to achieve mutually agreed-upon goals doesn’t mean giving up your autonomy. On the contrary, partners need to carve out time for themselves within their daily routine. A relationship works well when both partners are able to tolerate being apart from one another and develop a certain degree of autonomy and independence.”
And on the occasion of February 14, why not rediscover the beauty of intimacy? “Nurturing passion and intimacy is important,” adds Dr. Ferrante. “Make yourselves desirable and attractive; value yourselves and don’t neglect yourselves. Shower each other with attention. This applies to Valentine’s Day—but not only then…”
